How many times can I break till I shatter?

So I haven't smoked a cigarette in over three days.
And I'll be honest.. If it wasn't for the fact that they won't do the surgery on a smoker.. I probably wouldn't be quitting.
I've wanted to quit.. it's not that. It's just that my life has always been so full of crap.. one horrible expirence after another...with nothing ever going right and constant severe depression.. that I just didn't have the strength to try. I didn't want to put myself through the stress of trying to quit when it was one of my biggest crutches. One of the few things I had in my life that made me happy.. made me feel good. With having so few things in my life that made me happy... I wasn't ready to give that up. And honestly.. with my life.. I wasn't planning on sticking around much longer after my parents passed anyways. So I wasn't concerned with it maybe killing me someday. That's the truth. I don't tell many people that.. but that's pretty much what I was thinking. My parents are my rock. The only family and support I really have and I know I won't be able to handle losing them. Not when I am all alone. No family of my own besides the two of them. No husband and children of my own to help me get through it. Not even a boyfriend. So for a long time now I have pretty much been comforting myself with the knowlege that I only had to last that long.

But now I have the hope that it won't always be this way. That there could actually be the possibility that I won't have to be alone. If I can lose this weight.. feel better about myself.. meet someone... Maybe I will have my own family by the time that day comes.

So I am willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen now.

Not long ago I had completely lost hope. I had reached rock bottom. I had truely believed that I was going to be this way forever. That there wasn't any chance of changing. I had tried so many times and failed every single time. Every effort I made was ruined by something completely out of my control. And I was tired of trying to fight the universe. I had no strength left. So I gave up.

But for once.. this feels like a sure thing. When I have this surgery.. the weight will come off. No question. Whether or not my depression acts up or not... whether or not I can get get myself to exercise...won't matter. The weight will come off reguardless. I will have no choice but to control my eating because my stomach literally will not be able to hold the amount of food I eat now.

So my mental problems.. my issues.. can not get in the way for once. And that is the only reason I am willing to try again. That is the only reason I have it in me to try again.